The Negotiator‘s Deal-Making Mindset And Discipline
A negotiator must always be convinced that he is in a position to walk away from any deal or terms of his liking. He must also exude the air of nonchalance that comes with simply looking for a bargain. This requires some autohypnosis, practice, self-control and certain body language.
The master negotiator must not merely play the courageous role – he must believe it. He will appear to be tentative about his interest in the subject about which he is negotiating, as if he were not quite that enthused about it — as if he had numerous other options and was merely entertaining a discussion. He generally appears to be a bit bored (or perhaps tired), and will shift his attentive focus from the matter at hand to other things, as if his concentration had to be earned.
He may gratuitously smile when something is proposed to him, as if he were palliating a child — or as if he much better options at the ready.
He might appear late for the scheduled meeting, and may look distractly at his watch from time to time. He will listen, but will mostly respond with body language and will remain non-committal to gain further concessions, and to obtain other information from the other side. His silence and his hesitation to appear genuinely interested are his greatest strengths.
His air of indifference and distraction will agitate the other side. It will serve to make them careless, in terms of excessive “chatty” disclosure and too much eagerness. They feel an impending sense of los or defeat, and have become pridefully invested in making some kind of deal — if just to get his serious focus and full attention.
This type of negotiator is so tough, that he might leave the negotiating table, politely excusing himself (as if he had other more important items to attend to) and saying, “Thanks. It sounds interesting. I’ll have to get back to you. I’m a bit pressed for time.”
The result of his masterful posturing is its effect on the psyche of the other side. They will probably begin feeling that he might already have a better deal in progress elsewhere, or that they did not entice him enough to keep him interested. They will, if foolish enough, pursue him in a move indicative of anxiety and desperation, and give him “reasons” (usually volunteered concessions, deal sweeteners, and other causes) to come back to the table.
This negotiator is a behavioral psychologist — and he knows that his quarry is upset about not getting his full attention, and about not seeming important enough to him. This gives him tremendous bargaining leverage.
He has now opened up the gateway for the other side to try to “sell” him on their terms. They begin to act as a desperate seller or buyer might act, and in so doing, lose their leverage with this fellow. They might even be divided in terms of how to pull him back into the play, and may quarrel among themselves.
Faithfully,
Douglas E Castle, Negotiator and Chairman of TNNWC Group, LLC
Note: You can receive a download of Douglas Castle’s professional biography (i.e., this document) in a .pdf format by clicking on http://bit.ly/DouglasCastlePDF7.
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REPRINT OF PREVIOUS ARTICLE FROM NEGOTIATION – THE LANGUAGE OF ALL BUSINESS :
Negotiation has a perjorative connotation, not unlike the one associated with manipulation. Yet, every entrepreneur, leader, corporate executive, professional, academician and consumer who communicates interactively (speaks or otherwise sends signals or suggestions) with another Human Being is engaged in both. The average individual spends most of his or her waking hours negotiating.
It is frightening to think about.
“Negotiation is the language of all business. It is where commerce meets conversation, and all conversation (every single form of communication) involves commerce, whether it is an exchange of ideas or an exchange of hostages. Boldly put, every spoken word, every single form of interaction between or among individuals is, in fact, a negotiation.”
- Douglas E. Castle
Negotiation is a dynamic process through which an agreement is reached.
Manipulation is merely a smart-alecky word for “convincing,” “persuading,” or (sometimes) “seduction.”
Negotiation and manipulation are actually neutral terms, and merely tools.
Their power, for better or worse, for good or evil, lies solely in the hands of the wielder. Negotiation and manipulation are the two most important components of all commerce and civilization. One should master both.
My favorite area of consultative practice is in the art and science of high-level negotiations – at the board of directors level, either intracorporately (among individuals or stakeholder factions), or between two entites involved in what, in business, is analogous to dating, and hating or mating. I intermediate. I moderate. Most importantly, I communicate.
My work requires research, intelligence-gathering, frequent practice and experimentation and a technical knowledge of behavioral psychology and the dynamics of both the individual mind and the “group” or collective mind.
In my role as Chairman of TNNWC, I perform a number of different planning and managerial functions for the benefit of the Company. When I am called upon, I will also speak about or advise a client about negotiating something; more often than not, this puts me directly in the middle of the process, actively advocating the party who was prudent enough to retain my services. It is a wonderful process — in my perspective, it is like designing, constructing and moving into a finished building. It is my passion to reach agreements.
Incidentally, there is no winner in a negotiation where an agreement has not been reached. This means that regardless of the side that I am on, once given my objectives and parameters, I must find some way to have the parties settle together. It is not a war — it is a tricky, but surprisingly (for most unfamiliar with this type of thing) collaborative process. It involves a high level of cognitive functioning and an incredible amount of focus and de-personalization. There is no place, in my role, for my own ego.
Become familiar with the negotiation process. The more you know about it, the more that:
1) you’ll realize that you have been engaged in it for most of your life; and,
2) you’ll come to appreciate the delicacy and artistry which are required in order to bring parties into a sustainable state of agreement.
Welcome to my world. Now, ladies and gentlemen, get your scrolling gloves on! [apologies]
Faithfully, Douglas Castle
Following are some tags, labels, categories and keywords relating to this article to get you started. If you’ll just look over the list, you’ll automatically open your mind to a new awareness of negotiations going on all around you:
- “earned victories” versus thefts
- acknowledging “points” for the other side
- acknowledging sacrifices from your side
- acquiring territory
- ad hominen arguments
- adult-adult positioning
- adult-child positioning
- agreements in stages
- apologizing – the power of humility
- approaching an averaging point
- balancing the scales
- bargaining chips
- behavioral psychology – factions and groups
- behavioral psychology – individual
- being clear
- being unbreakable
- bluffing
- body language
- bonding
- boredom and small print
- Braintenance! Blog
- bugs and caution
- building trust
- clarity
- coming back to the table
- communicating with precision
- concessions
- conduct
- confessions
- conflict resolution
- confrontation
- correcting or reversing a negotiating error
- courtship
- critical times
- dealing with conflicting agendas
- dealing with hidden agendas
- determining who the decision makers truly are
- distortions
- distraction and diversion
- divide and conquer
- doing your research
- dominators – how to handle them
- Douglas E Castle
- dropping hints
- emotions
- escalation
- establishing authority
- establishing goals
- establishing priorities
- establishing value
- exhaustion – wearing parties down
- exposing your own vulnerabilities
- expressing admiration for the other party
- fakes
- fast subject switching
- fear of appearing unsophisticated
- fear of loss
- feinting
- finding common ground
- finding commonality and intersection of interests
- finding the other side’s hot spots
- forming alliances quickly
- frauds
- gains and sacrifices
- gestures and what they signify
- getting at the truth
- getting attention
- getting to “yes”
- getting to decision makers
- give-and-take patterns
- handling an insult
- higher authority
- how to use
- humanizing
- humor
- hypnotic environment
- instilling fear
- intelligence gathering and application
- intensive interrogation
- introducing new parties to the negotiating table
- introducing new variables
- leaving the room
- liars
- lingering resentments
- manipulation
- manners and matters of conduct
- mirroring
- misdirection
- momentum
- mystification
- negotiation
- NLP techniques applied
- objections
- objectives
- pacing
- parameters and limiting conditions
- parroting
- perceived
- perceived limitations
- perceived value
- perception versus reality
- persistance
- personality typing
- personalizing
- piecemeal victories
- posturing
- power words
- precision timing
- questioning
- rapport
- re-framing words and visualizations
- re-initiating lagging negotiations
- reaching an accord
- repetition
- resistance
- resolution
- role playing
- ruses
- saving face
- scorekeeping
- seduction
- Sending Signals! Blog
- setting the stage and the props
- shocks and surprises
- showing remorse
- sideline conversations and “small talk”
- signs and symbols
- splitting the difference
- stabilizing the chaotic
- stalling
- stepping “out of character”
- stop and go negotiations
- subliminal suggestion
- subtle “tells”
- subtleties of speech
- suppressing destructive impulses
- sustainable agreements versus “patch jobs”
- sweeteners
- tag teams
- Taking Command! Blog
- tantalization
- technology
- temporizing
- tenacity
- tenuous agreements
- testing
- the art of listening
- The Entrepreneurial Spirit
- The National Networker (TNNWC) Weekly Newsletter
- the quest for fairness
- the quest for justice
- the use of casual conversation to create new alliances
- time constraints – real
- TNNWC Management Consulting
- trade-offs
- Transactional Analysis
- trivializing
- un-focusing and re-focusing
- unite and collaborate
- VAKOG
- vulnerabilities
- walking away
- when to pretend not to have heard
- when to relent
- when to remain silent
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